I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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