Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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