am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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