I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
