the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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