Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
