I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you had me at cake vodka
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
