forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
