how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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