Someone shit on the floor
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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