are you still at the devil's house?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sex in a hospital.. check
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
