I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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