I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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