How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
