I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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