Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
