his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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