She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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