yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
