I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
