i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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