Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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