I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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