I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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