So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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