I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
