i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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