This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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