I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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