rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found the puke drawer
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
COCAINE IS GR8
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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