my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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