And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
