Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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