I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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