So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
