you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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