She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
