Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
high people should be assigned attendants
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
