Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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