yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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