Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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