So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
