Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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