What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
