Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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