We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
