areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
