Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
