Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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