There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
