Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
