maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
