Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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