Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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