we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
